Miscalculation

I am a math idiot. I know this. I’m way too pretty for math. Figuring out a tip? No way. How much is 20% off this $35 sweater? Fuggedaboudit. I ask Micah a math question and he looks at me like I’ve lost my mind. I return the look. He knows I cannot do math.

But you would think I could operate a calculator. I manage a website, for goodness sake. Apparently, I am no good at calculator usage. For the second time in a few months, I have goofed my checkbook by simply not using the calculator correctly. I have no idea how I’ve done this. I use a calculator to guarantee a correct balance. Yeah, right.

I’m looking at my online statement this morning and realize that The Bank’s balance is less than Mine and there are 2 things that haven’t yet cleared. Hmmm. Did I miss something? I went back to October checking purchases and checks and making sure I didn’t neglect to log something in. It’s all there in blue and white.

Ok, I must have miscalculated. I go several pages back in my check register, checking balances with a calculator, and I find it. $100+ plus error. Maybe I left out a number when I subtracted. Maybe I hit + instead of -. All I know is that I cannot be trusted with math. Period.

Anyone want to be my accountant?

Thievery

I’m a flag girl. You know, the pole attached to the front of the house with a flag for every holiday and every season. I even have a birthday flag with detachable numbers to announce how old the members of my family are. I love my flags!

Saturday afternoon, I back the van into the driveway to give her a little wash and vacuum. I suddenly realized that there’s no flag in the bracket. No pole, no flag. What the? I look in the corner of the garage where the flag often goes when it gets really windy. Nothing there. I call Micah to see if maybe he’d taken it down and put it somewhere else. Nope, he hasn’t seen it. I walk all around the house, thinking maybe it had come out of the bracket and been picked up by the wind. Nada.

Son of a b*tch! Someone stole my flag! My pole too! The worst part is, now I’m hesitant to replace the pole and get a flag back out there. They stole my flag security. Right before Mr. Turkey went out for Thanksgiving.

There will be another flag out there in the near future, although the bracket may be moved closer to the front door and there may be video surveillance. Micah even talked about a pulley system with a shotgun. I’m ruling nothing out. Don’t mess with my flags. And don’t even think about walking off with a purple flamingo.

The kiddos didn’t have school yesterday, but they spent the day at school in the care of the before/after care group. I was emptying their lunchboxes in the evening and noticed that Evan hadn’t eaten his sandwich. I asked him why and he told me that he didn’t like that kind. Minutes later, I open Hannah’s lunchbox and she hadn’t eaten her sandwich either. Evan didn’t know why. I’m thinking, my poor babies going hungry because they didn’t eat their sandwiches. I ask what they ate and Evan tells me that they ate the snacks that were in their lunchboxes. I say, no wonder you guys were hungry.

Later, Micah is getting lunches ready for today and is looking for the lunchboxes. I tell him they’re in the frig because no one ate their sandwich. “Oh, that’s right, they had pizza today,” he says. What? Here I’m feeling sorry for them thinking they’d gone hungry and the little turkeys had pizza!

Someone, somewhere in this cubicle farm where I reside does not have their computer muted. I keep hearing the “ping” of a command box. Ugh. Really? Knock it off.

Oh yeah, and now that my BFF has a blog, I'm really going to make an effort to keep mine up to date.

Bad, bad blogger

I’m really not good at blogging. Obviously. Thank goodness no one is actually reading because you’d be bored to tears.

Let’s recap, shall we? Went on vacation, had a smashing time. Got my minivan and LOVE it. Saw Nickelback in concert twice – love them even more. \m/ Hosted a shower for the September bride. That’s about it.

Friday I’ll finally get to see 3 Doors Down in concert and Saturday we leave for vacation #2. We spent so much money on vacation #1, that we decided we need a budget for #2. So much for having a free place to stay making our vacations cheaper.

As soon as we get back from vacation, Micah’s nephew is getting married. Evan is the ring bearer. I’m hoping for many, many photo ops. My little man is going to be so cute in a tuxedo.

Shortly after that, school begins. Luckily I knew I would be crammed for time and 98% of school supplies have been procured and are ready to go.

In my head

First of all, I'd like to apologize for not blogging more often. That is, if anyone is actually reading. It's hard to keep up with a blog. My hat off to those who manage to post daily.

This week I've been fascinated and mesmerized by the whole April Rose saga. For those who may not know, a young, single mother started a blog to chronicle the life of her unborn child, April Rose, who'd been diagnosed with multiple deformities. According to the mother, B, she'd been advised to terminate, induce early, etc. She also claimed to be faced with scorn from her community for being unmarried and pregnant. The "baby" was born on Sunday at home, at which point it all began to fall apart. Pictures that were posted of "April Rose" were determined to be that of a doll. Questions were raised about the timeline of the birth and the lack of medical intervention for a child that was obviously not long for this earth.

From the beginning, I doubted the community's scorn. Really? In this day and age people are going to judge a woman for having a child out of wedlock? I know people that almost look upon that as common place. I'm probably weird because I got married first.

The whole home birth threw me too. What doctor or midwife in their right mind would authorize a home birth of a child that might not even be born alive? Childbirth is scary enough when everything goes well. Why take a chance?

So, now I'm reading the blogs, and the comments, created to discuss this fake blog. It's boggling my mind that people are shocked that this would/could happen. There are crazy people out there! End of story. I know someone who married a bigamist (unbeknowst to her) and became one of three wives. This man also claimed to be terminally ill with cancer, in addition to being a doctor and a former Naval officer. All lies!

I don't put anything past anybody anymore.

On to better stuff. We're going on vacation tomorrow. Can't wait! A week at the beach. The kids are so excited. Evan can't wait to dig for sand crabs and Hannah's looking forward to our favorite pizza place. The only thing that would make it better was if the minivan came in before we left.

Yes, I'm buying a minivan. And I'm excited about it. Never did I think I'd say any of those words. But with 2 kids and lots of family and friends, it seems to make sense right now. I'm patiently waiting for my 2010 Toyota Sienna LE. Patiently. The fact that I jump when the phone rings and I refresh my email contstantly means nothing.

Needless to say, my head is spinning. I'm amazed I can sleep at night. Sometimes being exhausted pays off. I need to pack, make sure the house is squared away, set up care for the cats, and make sure I'm covered at work before I go. I've got list upon list all over my desk and all over the kitchen. I need a list for my lists.

Enjoy the view while I'm gone....

Absenteeism

I haven't been blogging. Obviously. Too much pressure to be funny.

Evan discovered cinnamon rolls at Ikea the other night and proceeded to devour the one that Micah and I were supposed to share. That thing was gone. After he's eaten it, he points to the shmear of icing left on the paper and says, that's the best part. It is, my son. I'm so proud.

Hannah turns 8 on Saturday and is having a slumber party. Approximately 8 little girls will invade my house for 15 hours. Have I lost my mind? Micah and Evan want no parts of any of it and are going bowling.

In mourning...

The clock in my car
November 2000 - April 27, 2009
Rest in peace, my friend.

I miss you already

Goodnight, Evan

This is how he fell asleep last night.

I thought for sure he was faking. Nope. I took a picture, stacked the books and spun him around.

Hmph

Apparently, I'm not as funny as I thought.

Happy birthday to me!

Yes, today is my birthday. Tax day. No one ever forgets. In case you're wondering, I'm 36 today.

I'm very overwhelmed and touched by the amount of birthday wishes I've received today. Lots of Facebook Wall postings, emails from friends and family, and coworkers poking their heads in my cubicle. I feel very loved today. [I left out the text message I received from one of my very best friends who is vacationing in FLA. Sorry T!]

I'll be skipping the gym today and heading to the mall for some shoes. Happy birthday to me! Tonight we'll be having dinner at a restaurant of my choosing (probably Outback), and then on to Dairy Queen for Blizzards. I'll get the biggest one I think I can finish.

My Easter bunnies

A recap

Last week was awesome! I only worked Monday and Tuesday.

My dad was scheduled for a colonoscopy on Wednesday and was spending the night with us on Tuesday, so I could take him Wednesday morning. We went out to eat so he wouldn’t be tortured by us eating food while he drank his broth. He tried to convince me that vodka was considered a clear liquid. I told him I didn’t think so.

The procedure went well and then he and I ran some errands and had lunch. Meanwhile, Micah painted our little office and hung a ceiling fan. The room had not been painted since the builders painted it 10 yrs ago! Not our doing, believe me. The previous owner didn’t paint a thing in the 7 yrs he lived there. We’ve been working our way around the house. The only holdout is the kids’ bathroom – coming soon.

Thursday, Hannah was supposed to stay home with me but insisted on going to her brother’s daycare for their Easter party. I said, you’d rather go with him than stay with me? Yup. Ok. So I piddled around the house in heavenly peace & quiet.

Evan had a Dr’s appt. on Friday morning. He’s doing well and was very excited to pee in a cup. He got one shot and I bought him a donut afterwards. While we were at the mall running errands, Micah called. He’d cut his finger at work and was on his way to the ER for stitches. I should point out that he works in a meat department and plays with knives and saws and grinders all day but has yet to cut himself with one of those. Every work injury has been some kind of oops. On Friday, he was moving something off of the scale and caught his finger on the edge of the table. 4 stitches later, he earned himself a day off on Saturday. I picked up my bridesmaids dress (Friend Julie getting married in September, I’m a bridesmaid) in the evening and tried it on for Hannah and Micah. Evan couldn’t have cared less.

On Saturday, I managed to get all of the laundry done and put away. That is a major accomplishment for me. At least one part of my process always follows me into the work week. I knew Sunday would leave me no time for laundry so I was determined to get it done. And I did.

Sunday was exhausting. We were gone from 10:30 am until 7:30 pm. Whew. The kids hunted for eggs twice and we ate too much.

I’m off to the gym today after work. Gotta make that bridesmaids dress too big.

Who's that smell?

It was an off-bath night for the kiddos (we only do baths every other night in the cooler months) and someone or something smelled bad. Micah took the boy in the bathroom and gave him a little wipedown. Still smelling it. I took the girl and gave her a little wipedown. Dang. Still smelling it. I didn't notice anything when I was kissing the girl goodnight so I was pretty sure it wasn't her. I went back to where Micah was and there was that smell again. I said, maybe it's us...

We proceeded to sniff ourselves and each other. Micah said, I think it's my feet. I said, your feet smell like a**? Pull one up here. [sniff] OMIGOD! It IS your feet!

Then I needed to apologize to my children for assuming that it was them that smelled bad.

I'm all set for the final ER episode tonight. I told Micah that at 8pm I'm checking out.

The grass IS greener on the other side

While playing outside today with the kiddos, I noticed that the neighbors on both sides of us have greener grass. In fact, ours looks downright brown. I don't normally care about the grass. I mean, the kids run on it, dogs pee on it, and the cat runs outside and eats it. If I care about my grass, then I have to care about the kids running on it, dogs peeing on it and the cat running outside to eat it.

On the other hand, I don't want brown grass.

Where's that Chemlawn guy that was at the door a few weeks ago? The guy that I told I had to check with my husband who wasn't home when POOF, here comes Micah down the street. I threw him under the bus and sent Dave (Chemlawn) into the garage. Heh. Take that. That's what you get for coming home when I'm telling a salesperson you're not.

Cruel awakening

Morning after morning I wake up moments before the alarm goes off. Literally. The alarm is set for 5am. Today I woke up at 4:57. How cruel. As a mother who values every moment of sleep, it goes against everything I believe in to go ahead and get up.

I rested my hand on the snooze button and closed my eyes. When the alarm went off, I tapped the button and got up. [sigh]

Bloggie blog blog

I love blogs. In fact, I spent most of my day reading them. I'm so ashamed. I'm going to try my hand, again, at keeping one. Stay tuned.